But I'm fine (I'm not)

men's audacity and my politeness override

Bechdel test this.

Bechdel test that.

What if I like to talk about men in both lights?

To praise and to insult.

Today is insult and complain though, because where on God’s earth do men find the audacity?

Let me give you some scenarios.

Scenario one

It’s a Friday evening; you’re waiting for your colleague so that you can head out together. You’re sitting on your own, face down on your phone, and earphones plugged in.

Then a man stops in front of you, his mouth moving.

You have never seen this man before. You have never met him before.

You’re already having a bad day. You have headache. You’re upset.

You think about ignoring him but the politeness override in you causes you to remove one ear of the loud blasting music—which you use to ignore the world—to listen to him.

Then you hear: “Why are you still here?”

Come again?

Your face squeezes with confusion. The irritation mounting up.

You answer: “What?”

The waste of space has the audacity to smile and say: “It’s past five, everyone is leaving. No one stays at the office past five.”

Oh, thank you Captain Obvious. I didn’t realize. What a tremendous help you and your yellow teeth have been.

You wish you said that but instead, you replied with Okay. And gave him a blank stare until he left.

This man legit walked up to a random girl that he had never met and said rubbish. Like what was his aim. What was going through his mind? Rizz master? +10000 aura?

Fuck outta here.

---

Scenario two

You’re with your friends. For some reason beyond you, you’re the only girl there.

You’re a bit paranoid because of recent news. Guys can still rape their female friends even though trust has been established.

You’ve been telling yourself not all men. You’ve told yourself that they’re all boys of similar background to you. You’ve plotted a million ways out of there if anything runs south. You’ve declined drinks and opted for a soft drink just in case.

A few hours pass. You manage to get comfortable. You’re sitting outside with them cause there’s no light and inside is hot. You guys are talking about old, school gist and NYSC wahala.

There’s mirth, there’s laughter.

You’re actually happy you left your house for once. Like oh, this is what weekend with friends feel like.

Then the host’s neighbor passes. Out of courtesy, you all greet him.

He scans the scene and the first words out of his mouth are: “See as you’re the only girl with boys.”

You don’t deem him a response. Everywhere is silent. No one is talking.

You give him a blank stare but inside you’re fuming. Who the fuck is he to talk to you in such a judgmental tone. He doesn’t even know you.

You’re also upset because he just pointed out the obvious. The one thing that has kept you on a mild state of paranoia for the last few hours.

He silently judges you with his eyes and you stare back blankly at him for a bit before he goes inside.

The boys start talking about football. No one mentions it.

The guy friend you’re closest to comes and apologizes for a random man’s behavior.

You tell him it’s fine.

It’s not.

---

Scenario three

You’re at work. Your manager just gave birth.

The team says they want to do something for him. They immediately look to you. You’re the only girl on the team.

So, you ignore the messages. Ignore the planning. Only come online when there is a half-formed plan that needs monetary donations.

Friday comes—yes, the same Friday, this is just that morning—money is complete. They need someone to go to the market. All the men unanimously assign the task to you. You should know the price of pampers and baby clothes, you’re the woman there. But four of these men have children. If anyone should know, it should be them.

You refuse to go, in the nicest way possible. You’re still the youngest on the team.

Two fathers go. They buy things.

Then they decide that they want to go for a visit. It’s the nice thing to do. The team is a family. They immediately volunteer you while looking for two or three other people to go with you.

Someone else notices this and asks you if you want to go. Deep down, you don’t. You’re tired. You just want to go home after work and not to see your boss' baby. But you’re the only girl on the team. It might look strange if you of all people aren’t there.

You agree to go.

You pray the entire day that the boss says you shouldn’t come to his house. That’s why you were waiting for your colleague.

---

This is not the first of men’s audacity you have faced. A man, while talking to you and a fellow team member, asked if you were feeding the team members and then proceeded to tell you of a woman, who was once on the team and made it her priority to bring home cooked meals for the whole team.

This same man that’s not on the team asks you for your number the next time he sees you. He is clearly over ten years older than you. You give him a wrong one and lie, that your phone is dead when he tries to call it. Your phone was charging within reach, and you had to fight the urge to reach for it every time you received a notification, because of the lie you just made.

You hate your politeness override. You don’t know how to kill it.

You’ve given multiple guys lies and a non-active number instead of simply saying no. You’ve taken to avoiding people simply because you hate having to greet them because you know if they say hello, you would say it back. You can’t resist.

But it’s fine. I’m fine.

I’m fine.

~by a girl who just ranted out her frustrations and is definitely not fine. Also, everything in here spans from Wednesday—the man not in my team— to Saturday—when I hung with my friends.