Did I Pee The Bed?

NYSC Chronicles Day... I think I'm sleep deprived

You guys I woke soaked in my bed yesterday morning.

My first instinct was that, somehow I had regressed through years of growth and and peed on my bed, so I sniffed the strange liquid.

Odorless

Did I sweat this much then?

Nope, the room was kinda cold.

Then, I remembered I opened pure water and was drinking it while lying down before I blacked out.

Hello Substack family and everyone who is privileged to read my yap once more (why haven't you subcribed, click the button above so I can eat today). Welcome to another NYSC camp update.

Now after this water episode, I sat and did a little retrospection and I discovered, I haven't slept naturally in a while. I don't even doze off. I'm out like a light switch no matter what I'm doing. Mid tiktok scroll. Mid insta scroll. Mid texting. Mid thought. And recently, mid drinking water. One minute I'm awake, the next I'm waking up.

My newly achieved sleep habits aside, I think I jinxed myself with the ‘Is shitting necessary’ post because tell me whyy I felt the urge to shit that same evening. And why I've barely been able to stop shitting. It was like my body opened the floodgates.

I hate it here.

On a positive note, I'm closer to my roommates. And contrary to popular belief, I actually enjoy marching. Maybe cause I never did it before and never had the secondary trauma attached to it.

Also, I volunteered to represent my platoon in a public speaking competition on Sunday. I have no idea why I did that, especially since

1. I have never done public speaking before

2. I have crippling stage fright

The way public speaking works if you're new to it is that, you're given a topic and five minutes to research and make a speech based on the topic. Then you have to present said speech from memory with no speech cards or anything.

We were twenty and ten were to be eliminated after the first round. I made it all of one round before I was eliminated. It had nothing to do with my brain shutting down the moment I was called up and I touched the mic.

I guess my substack yapping wasn't enough speech writing experience.

Gist interlude (going back to my roots):

1. A babe in my platoon posted a vid on twitter with a soldier holding up a peace sign and the soldier had to make her take it down to avoid being fired.

2. Another babe in my platoon posted pics of herself on twitter and for some reason people on twitter noticed the guy was looking at her ass and now most soldiers joke with the guy that he likes women too much.

3. I heard (haven't seen) that people have sex in the dark lecture ground behind my room.

4. I also heard that they've sent multiple people home for having sex in camp.

Interlude over. Back to me

A lot of things have happened so I will be listing in no particular order

• In a lecture about fire safety, a man o war set himself on fire, put it out and set himself on fire again when people askes for an encore only to put it out again

• We were taught in a sex education lecture how to put on a condom.

• I did man o war drills. Tightrope type shit. Like I walked from one tree to another with just two ropes. Call me gymnast.

• The form of punishment here is either to make you sit down and stand up repeatedly or to make you sit on the ground in your white. We have gotten punished multiple times.

• Stuff work by platoon, where to wash your clothes, the people that photograph you, where you charge your power banks and people that sew your clothes.

Well I'm mid lectures and I have a novel calling my name. This was just a life update. Toodaloo

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I’M ESCAPING IN A WEEK. I WILL BE BACK TO CIVILIZATION AND WAKING UP AFTER 6AM AND WORKING TOILETS AND ACCESS TO GOOD STIR FRY, SUYA AND SHAWARMA. OUUU CAN’T WAIT.