I've escaped from prison

NYSC Chronicles Day... I'M FREEEEEEEE

Hello Substack family and all those who tune in to listen to me yap. Below is an exclusive journal of my last day in NYSC camp.

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06.37

We made it. Clap hand for Jesus.

This idea genuinely hit just now. Hehe

So currently at morning assembly, half-asleep and listening to kpop (cause I learnt from last time) I'm reasoning how to get to my room and sleep. The floor is littered with bullet cans from last night's party, which I'm still hearing details about cause I didn't attend (gyrating and twerking bodies in the rain? I already have a cold, can't make it worse abeg)

Will I miss this place? Probably. But not much, considering my night's dream was about ordering stir fry from my favourite glovo restaurant (it hurt when I woke up)

A soldier just told me to carry the chair I was sitting on to the lecture ground. See ya.

06.49

I made it to my bed. More sleep. Yayy

07.11

I'm back on parade ground.

Apparently everyone had the same idea and went to their rooms so soldiers came to chase us out.

Well the rest was fun while it lasted.

08.14

I'm in my room again

I was selected to march for tomorrow's passing out parade but fuck no. I have inhaled enough dust for the year, I don't need more. I'm still coughing and sneezing and I quite like my white rubber shoes to remain white and not coated with fifteen layers of dust, thank you very much.

So I ran away.

Anywho I'm hungry asf now. I don't want to go to mami. I think I'll just drink garri

Be lazy, it saves money.

09.33

There's supposed to be lectures (after being promised a free day) by 10 to 12 but they're blowing whistle already.

Like what else do you want to teach. SAED is over. Why do a recap when people didn’t listen the first time around?

For the first time, I don't have a chair (new update, everyone took their chairs to their rooms)

I'm seating halfbumbum on a bench with some babes that are trying to convince a guy that's chivalrous and always stands up for ladies to sit down, to give out his seat today.

Anywho my hope is to finagle my way back to my room. I can hear lectures from my bed anyway.

12.08

I didn't finagle anything

The lecture ended. As usual. I didn't listen. I was too busy reading and sleeping and listening to music and reading camp anonymous (people are confessing camp crushes. On the last day of camp)

Just dropped off my powerbank to charge and bought food (fried rice and egg)

Its hot af rn.

Ekiti is just an uneven blend of sahara desert and the north pole in the morning, desert and hell during the day.

15.39

I woke about 30 minutes ago after voughing myself awake.

People are getting ready to go out to watch a volleyball match between officials and students. My roommates are pissed because we were promised a free FUCKING day.

Welp let me be going. Bugle is ringing.

16.53

I'm seated at the pavilion while the remaining corp members are standing cause I would do anything to sit.

One stupid ass soldier just accused me of rolling off a man's bed when I told him I was coming from mami market, when I went there TO SIT DOWN.

Like yall expect me to stand. Under the sun. Doing nothing. I respectfully decline. Fuck no.

It took all I had in me to not hiss at the man to his face but I did it behind his back like a courageous queen.

I'm still pissed.

Like you asked where I was. I told you mami.

You asked why I went there, I said I saw people going there.

You asked the generic question of ‘If I saw people going into fire, would I go?’. I aired you.

Then you opened your smelly mouth to say that you know for a fact that I came from a man's bed in staff quarters.

Fuck you and your generation. Bastard.

Of all accusations you could've given me, whore is where your mind went to first.

Fuck you

Thank God I'm leaving this godforsaken place tomorrow

Anyway, rn I'm watching people march for tomorrow's parade after backing out for my health and peace of mind.

Like is this what people were enjoying while I marched?

18.10

I stopped reading a novel to type this.

Why do I feel a bit melancholy?

I just heard the last 6pm bugle, cause I won't be here tomorrow.

I'll miss the silence that comes with that tradition. The switch from noisy to silence is like whiplash I swear. I'm sad I never recorded it.

A guy just interrupted my typing cause I plugged in both of my ears. And yet women are the gender that don't mind their business. Where do men get this audacity?

Wo let me go back to my book before I dwell on it.

Also something embarrassing happened to a soldier in my presence but he swore me to secrecy soo...

20:16

(typed with a friend's phone cause mine was charging)

They forced us out of mami. For movie night? But they collected our chairs this afternoon.

I genuinely don't know what the plan was. Now almost everyone is standing and they're playing some type of weird ass nysc documentary.

Meanwhile, a babe is drunk asf besides me, displaying and asking random niggas if they can fly. She walked to mami and was legit returned by a vendor. People do be drinking pass their limits.

I have a splitting headache. I thought it would end when I had dinner but indomie and egg didn't help. I did have a great conversation with a new friend at the kiosk.

Some guys have audacity while some are really cool.

Life is funny.

Palm wine also tastes funny

21.00

The movie started. Sitting on the pavilion watching the movie from an opposite angle cause thats the only place I could find a seat

My head aches like shit tho. Reasoning pouring water on it but I'm afraid if how much dust I'll dissolve on my head.

21.37

Shortly after this nepa took light and everyone separated.

Currently at the photography place, paying my blood sweat and tears, so I can collect all the photos I've been taking since the beginning of camp.

Whoever came up with bulk buying, I don't like you. Why is there a dent in my account?

The pics look good though and I'm happy I took them cause I never remember to take pics for myself.

Also yall, do you know, two nights ago, while walking around, I found journals.

I had asked everyone and they said no one sold and then when I'm about to go home I found where they sold.

I wanted to die.

And it hurt even more, cause I saw the shop on day one, but I thought it was only them Atomic Habits they were selling there and if you know me, you know I wouldn't touch a self help book with a ten foot pole.

But that hurt ngl. I guess the lack of a journal led to all these entries y’all love.

My platoon is currently trying to put together a platoon get together that I don't really care about. I don't know why but I'm not in a getting drunk mood. Sad innit cause I know thats the aim of that get together. To get drunk.

22.10

I'm on my bed.

I guess the debauchery of yesterday scared them enough cause omo, they rang the go-to-bed bugle fifteen minutes early.

But my phone and powerbank are full, so I had no issues going to my room. On my way to pick the powerbank I ran into a guy in my platoon who confirmed that the get-together was as dead as I expected.

Anywho they're currently male and female soldiers trying to chase everyone to bed. If my hearing is correct, he just punished a whole room

As for my room, someone said she'll kinda miss the roommates, I mentioned creating a groupchat and then she responded with, we don't like each other that much.

And this is the dosage of reality check we all need to carry for the rest of the year.

22.23

Right now I'm reasoning if I should post this now or continue keeping tabs till I get home. It would be too long. I'll just keep tabs till I leave these gates.

I think imma go to bed now

22.35

They just announced that they're throwing us out of our room by 6am.

Fuck.

Thank goodness I didn't wash then

04.30

I finally have a breather since the 2 am that I woke up.

Had to refold and rearrange my box. Looked for nylon. Packed dirty clothes, bathed, did skincare, did hair care, now I'm reasoning where to carry my load to.

Hopefully I find somewhere

People have been moving their luggage since 3am and I just managed to shut my box by repeatedly bouncing on it (thats what she said). I think I'll keep my box at mami or front of OBS. I'm not taking it to chapel.

Sounds of people breaking potties fill the air. Its wonderful to hear.

05.14

I've officially signed out of my room. Wanted to take a pic but that place is too ugly to immortalize.

Sitting on my box rn listening to Ototo. While everyone is in a state of confusion cause no one knows what to do next.

06.11

Just came out of mami market after sleeping on a bench

People are walking up to me and hugging me but I don't care cause the passing out parade has started. Can't wait to leaveeeee

06.30

Parade has ended. Its to collect ppa and leaveeeee

06.49

PPA sharing has started. I will not hear my name in Jesus Name (it means relocation worked)

09.45

I'm in a sienna. On my way out of this hellhole but for some reason, there's traffic at the gate. I think we're signing out sha. Not sure

09.53

I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I'M OUTSIDE

I CAN SEE THE WORLD

I CAN SMELL THE SMELLS

I'M FREEEEEEE

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As a yappaholic I’m not sure my talking about NYSC will end here.

But I will not miss typing from my phone.

Thank you for being with me on this journey (and this journey to Lagos that I’m currently on)

I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE