Me and My Driver-Conductor Duo

and a little movie review at the end

This was supposed to be written and posted Friday evening, but I’m a lazy fuck and I saw my man this weekend soo…

---

Being a danfo commuter means seeing different kinds of conductors.

Whether it's the ones with their ass out or the one that fights with the passenger or the one that swaps places with the driver mid trip (iykyk).

The fun thing about conductor hopping is that you don't remember the conductor and they don't remember you.

Lagos is crowded enough that you might never see each other again.

But me? I have done the Lagos unthinkable.

I have entered the vehicle of the same driver-conductor duo for the third time in a two months span

The second time, I had written a whole prose but didn't post it cause I had more pressing things to post and frankly I forgot about it.

But this is more than a coincidence so I'm going to tell you about my driver-conductor duo

And to think I was staring at my laptop today wondering what to post and coming up empty

So, the first and important thing to note, the driver is a woman.

That’s how I remember this pair because I always have a mental admiration of female public transport drivers. I admired her the last two times and I admire her again.

As for the conductor, who’s—I learnt on my last trip—name is Victor is a funny guy to say the least. Not by his words but by his actions, I always chuckle because this man has a unique talent of frustration.

There is no time I entered that bus that he didn’t frustrate passengers, which in turn leads to my beautiful driver queen to yell at him and then apologize on his behalf.

I admire powerful women so much.

me to the powerful lady

The first time I entered, he was yelling two different bus stops.

Now the thing about my house is that they’re two bus-stops near it.

One requires crossing the express and a three minute walk. The other has a ten minute walk but no crossing the express.

The one that requires the express has multiple other bus-stops and a further length to go while the one without express, takes you inside and that’s the last bus-stop.

Guess which I go for?

Exactly, the one without express crossing. I hate crossing em.

It's scarcer (like I can see about ten for the first bus-stop before I see the second) but the lack of crossing the express makes the wait for the bus worth it.

Yes I am stubborn like that.

So that day, he initially shouted the second bus-stop, then the first, then the second again.

Confused, I and other passengers asked if he was going to the second and he said yes.

I entered, moving towards my wonderful odorless favourite spot in a bus (the back inside window seat, you don't have people step over you, no odors due to the ability to stick your head out the window and more legroom)

We started going and when we got to Oshodi (y’all know how rowdy that place is), this crazy man went and called the second bus-stop and then the first again.

In the middle of the road, holding up traffic and this man decided this was the best time to confuse the masses. A guy had literally put his shit in the boot and sat down when he heard the bus-stop shift.

A shouting match ensued.

Now one thing about me is that, I like drama. I don’t like being the drama or being inside it, but let a shouting match ensue and I’m sat with my earpiece out, popcorn in hand, ready to download everything

live view of me when I hear commotion

So when this shouting match started, I was gleeful.

me when the shouting started

Everyone was yelling at this Victor guy, the driver, the passengers in the bus, the potential passengers, the other bus drivers that we were blocking their road. The man just dey collect.

Eventually, the driver clarified she was going to the second bus-stop and we loaded and went.

The second time, I entered, I had beelined to my back corner seat when I heard a woman yell at a conductor. Turning to admire her, I realized she was the one from last time

And the conductor was the same. Even wearing the same shirt from the first time (the man has soap please, it was just such a coincidence).

I honestly don’t know how I didn’t notice him until she yelled. Especially since I listened to him call out my bus-stop.

This time, he didn’t make bus-stop mistakes. We went without a hitch.

Until we got to Oshodi and he increased price by hundred naira and started arguing with people claiming they won’t pay the price.

Once again the lady was the pacifist.

We entered traffic around Anthony and he started doing this thing conductors do where they get down from the bus, walk a bit and join the bus ahead.

When the traffic cleared, he was nowhere to be found.

Now the third and most recent time I saw this duo, I still didn’t recognise him.

Like I felt a tingle of recognition and brushed it off. Then I heard her yell at him and the pieces clicked. It was my duo.

This trip went without a hitch, Our lovely conductor just didn’t have hundred naira this time.

We got to Anthony, no one was dropping and I saw this lovely man, pull out his stuff from under a bench and pass off the responsibility of hundred naira to his driver and bid us adieu.

The cacophony of “my hundred naira change” was so melodious and best believe my voice was there leading the choir (she didn’t have it and I ended up freeing it cause she has a lovely smile)

me to that lovely queen

I wonder if life is gonna make me run into them a fourth time

---

In unrelated news, I recently watched “The map that leads to you” (on Saturday evening), that I picked up because I was wondering what kind of movie KJ Apa, Madeline Cline and Sofia Wylie were doing together, and I had a few thoughts and opinions.

1. Their meet-cute was mid, and I felt more annoyed with him on her behalf, but when she answered him, I forgave him

2. Y’all didn’t tell me KJ Apa was HOT. Riverdale did NOT do him justice AT ALL. This beard is working for him.

3. I don’t understand the concept of traveling through Europe with a guy you just met. What happened to Stranger Danger? Abi one kiss negates the stranger part? See how well it worked out for Amy.

4. How in God’s name do you purposefully miss a flight just to travel with a man? Do you know how much tickets are? Maybe that’s just poor man mentality sha.

5. Three girls went to Europe together and left separately, two with a man they met in Europe. I’m all for love but like STRANGER DANGER. Meeting at a rave doesn’t negate it.

6. KJ Apa is actually HOT. Jesus.

7. There’s something about freedom that intoxicates other emotions cause babes you’re in love in two weeks?

8. I love that she stood her ground sha. At least, there’s a girl with a backbone in recent media.

9. Why the fuck will you book a flight and then ditch her? Like brother communicate? Too much money is worrying you.

10. I wish we got more of the friend group scenes

11. Babes, please move on. It was a two week summer romance. Was it so magical that you’re still thinking about him at Christmas?

12. Did her middle-class single father just advice her to quit her stable job saying he would be disappointed in her if she was working somewhere she didn’t love? Could never be a middle-class Nigerian parent. You will make that money like mad.

13. How are those two getting married when they met eight months ago. And she graduated college like ten months ago. What kind of Belly /Jeremiah shit are y’all channeling? Why getting married so soon to a man you haven’t known for a full year? Abi am I crazy?

14. Did she have to leave during the wedding reception? Like she couldn’t wait two days? She wasn’t even sure if he’ll be there and she booked the ticket. God please I need money like this

15. KJ Apa is a FINE man.

16. So how does this movie end? Her job? Will they settle? Will they travel together?

17. Like is that genuinely the end? Nothing is resolved? Ughh

18. It was emotional sha. Why do I feel like I’m about to tear up? Eww

19. Okay, this is a mad end-credits song, what’s the name?

20. Why am I watching the crew list?

21. OMG, they credited even the security men and truck drivers. That’s so cool.

22. Maybe this is how they find film crew. Like oh shit, who engineered this sound? who shot this scene?

23. I should watch the crew end credits more often

24. Wow they shot all across Europe. I should find how to finagle my way on a movie set so my name can end up in a movie.

25. This crew list is so long, when does it end?

26. Wait, why am I still watching this?

    

    me half the movie

    

    me around the end cause I might complain but I still like romance stories

    

    me mesmerized by KJ Apa’s face card in this movie

    So how did y’all’s weekend go?