the one where we listen and we don't judge

me I judge sha and so should you

This one came to me around 2am last night, while I was on tiktok (I swear have tried, that app calls me in the middle of the night *sighs in screentime of 49 hours last week*). I had just finished watching a ‘we listen we don’t judge’ with disney princess cosplayers and another with bible characters when it hit me, my siblings and I used to play this years ago (call us pioneers).

While we didn’t call it that name, we did use to sit down randomly and start confessing crimes we have committed against the other. Below I will re-enact a scene of me and my siblings on our first confession night.

Me to sibling A: Okay so, remember that day Uncle C shouted at you for drawing up the blinds? (Sibling A nods in trauma filled memories). It was me, I knew they wouldn’t beat you.

Sibling A: *in shock* And you were there and you didn’t say anything.

Me: *apologetically* Sorry.

Sibling A: Okay then, *mischief lining their face* when the iron spoilt after you went to school, I blamed it on you so Daddy wouldn’t beat me.

Sibling B: *adding to the fire while laughing* When the table broke I blamed it on you too. Infact anything that we spoil in the first two weeks after you go to school, we blame it on you. That you spoilt it before going.

Me: *mouth wide open, my flabbers, gasted*

Now look at this scenario and tell me this isn’t ‘We listen, we don’t judge’. Exactly, you can’t.

If you’re expecting an updated we listen we don’t judge, you’re not going to get it. The only person I can successfully do this trend with is my mother.

Me: We listen we don’t judge. Mummy anytime I make chicken, like plantain, I take two and eat before I serve. (Sibling B if you see this and you cast me to mummy, I’ll cast you back)

Mummy: *losing the plot* ehn? In this economy? Do you know how much one kilo is? *goes down a rant of how tough the economy is under Tpain*

Me: *one hour later, still receiving lecture on a completely unrelated topic, wondering who sent me message*

So as you can see that won’t go too well. Anyway half of the people doing it on the internet puzzle me sha. What do you mean you use the end of knife to pleasure yourself? (Haew) Have we lost shame as a community? Do we need to bring back writing in diaries? Or just keeping it in your head because, a Nigerian parent will see that diary minding its own business, pick it up, read it, beat the madness out of you and then call pastor for deliverance. #privacydoesntexistinanigerianhome.

Nigeria aside, even the abroad version of we listen we don’t judge between couples is messy. To the point you’re wondering if they even love it other. Cause wdym, you always think about sleeping with other people? Then we have people going back to toxic exes seven times and people basically confessing crimes. Like why are you so comfortable on the internet. Does digital footprint mean anything to you people? *sighs exasperatedly*

But as a person who likes other people’s drama, keep it up. This was exactly the Suspect challenge messiness that had to be continued.

Happy New Month guys (I kid you not, I just remembered). Happy Monday too. Who else is eager to go home? (*raises hand* I’m sleep deprived, I need to sleep. I think I’m funnier when I need to sleep. Please don’t mentally disagree, I’ll know and it’ll hurt my feelings)

Detty December don land. I have no plans. I intend to have no plans, but if you invite me out, I will follow you (talking to all my irl friends that read this).

I’m still waiting on my yearly spotify analysis. While I discovered so many new artists this year (if you like soft music, go listen to Elio or Faouzia. I’ll link my fav song of each), I still stayed true to my old favourites. All I can predict about my spotify wrapped is that my top two genres will be pop and kpop, in that order (like it has been for the past three years).

Well back to work for me, started this to stay awake and I think it worked. Probably going to listen to spotify while reading a book or watch youtube or watch tiktok or learn a course on udemy (I started this course four months ago and I haven’t gone past module six of eighteen, help)

Have a great week. Enjoy the songs, practice saying yes, have fun and be happy.