The Sky Chews Gum

...and other unrelated topics

Jan 10, 2025

List of every newsletter idea I’ve had but I don’t have enough material to make it a full newsletter so I’m putting them all in this one.

NYSC Wahala.
My dream job is to be a rich man’s wife
What if we just castrated all rapists?
lighting fireworks during the day sounds like the sky is smacking gum
Cars have faces and the people who paint their headlights black, make their cars look emo.
What is a vision board and how does everyone all of a sudden want to make one?
People are doing 2025 resolution bingo and while that sounds fun, I’m out here wondering where you get 25 resolutions from.
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NYSC Wahala

Why was NYSC created?

NYSC was created on the 22 of May 1973 during the general Yakubu Gowon regime as an avenue for the reconciliation, reconstruction, and rebuilding of the nation after the civil war. It was established based on decree No. 24, which stated that the scheme was created "with a view to the proper encouragement and development of common ties among the youths of Nigeria and the promotion of national unity".

~Wikipedia

War has ended. There is social media so there’s unity hating on the current government and the state of the economy.

So why are we still doing this?

People are kidnapped every year on their way to camp. Kidnappers are in their cashout season. There’s registration wahala. Callup number wahala. Callup letter wahala. I haven’t even gotten to camp yet but I know there’s wahala there too.

You can’t skip it if you plan to work in Nigeria because it is a mandated employment document. Just hold noose on my neck.

The only advantage is that in this growing rate of unemployment, PPA gives you a job and if you’re good there, you can get retained.

Rich Man’s Wife

Chineme, what’s your passion?

Chineme, what’s your dream job?

Chineme, where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Una wan kill me?

Oya, my passion, and the only one I’ve found is to be comfortable. My dream job is one where I make money while sleeping. In the next five years, I see myself on a yacht, shaking my ass, in a thong.

Is that enough? No?

Well so far the only thing I know for a fact that is a productive thing that I like to do is write. And majority of Authors don’t make it. I have a degree in a course I’m not passionate about because its lucrative and I need money. I’m doing a job I tolerate because I need money. I started this blog as a coping mechanism.

So, realistically, writing is my passion, I wish to be a famous author and in the next five years, I want to be an author who is a rich man’s wife.

The Castration

From the moment, I fully understood the fact that men could rape, my logical response has been to cut off their dick.

For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why they went to jail for a few years. Like you didn’t need to do all that.

Just take a rusted cutlass, strip him naked, make him get hard and slice it off.

Simple.

If they touch people, off their hands.

Not too much talk. Or am I violent?

The Sky Chews Gum

This is pretty self explanatory.

Festive season just ended so I’m sure everyone heard and saw their fair share of fireworks. I know I did, cause once it hit midnight on the first, multiple fireworks were lit in my area and it was so noisy, service in my church paused for about ten minutes because no one could hear the Reverend. And he was using a microphone. All the little children rushed outside.

Anywho, while I get it at night, during the day?

No one sees it, there are no colours, no flashes, just noise.

It just sounds like the sky is smacking their gum as they chew and if its very irritating for a person to do that next to you, imagine how much more annoying when its the sky.

Cars Have Faces

Yes they do.

If you look well you see it. The headlamps are the eyes, the bumper is the mouth.

Now when you paint the headlamps black its giving black eyeshadow, which is emo/goth.

Do with this information, what you will

Vision Board and Resolution Bingo

All of a sudden, everyone is an artist and is doing vision board.

When did all this one start? When did this become a norm?

I turned on someone’s phone to check the time and I saw Pinterest scrapbook. What happened to writing a list?

Then for the bingo people. 25 items? Really? 10 is believable but 25?

Where do you even find 25 things you want to do?

New year, new me but if you sit down and reason it, the only difference between 10/10/2024-11/10/2024 and 31/12/2024-01/01/2025 is that 2025. And the excitement with celebrating the Earth’s birthday. But if na like that you can do new year, new me on my birthday 31/01.

As for me, my vision board is to try and be a better friend. And a better person. And have Tyla body (this is the unrealistic one because I hate sweating)

There you have it, multiple topics in one post.

Time to actually, go back to work(watch TikTok)

And always remember, in the love versus money debate, nobody said you couldn’t have both. Go fall in love with a rich man today.

Also while you’re here