Whipping A Motherfucker On The Road

and one of my other commute fantasies

I have a crush on an anonymous person on the internet. Okay, it’s less a crush, more a secret admiration of her lifestyle.

This babe is not an influencer but she’s my personal influencer.

So do y’all remember this babe that made the rounds on the internet a while ago. I think I read the story on either a tweet or a tiktok comment section but basically, this angel of a woman was on her own at a bus stop when a guy started disturbing her.

She first told him to leave her alone and as Nigerian men’s ear gain defects when it comes across the word ‘no’, he refused to leave her alone.

He got increasingly persistent until he touched her and then she wiped him with oraimo cord.

That is literally the birth of the saying “I will wipe you oraimo cord”

Anyway, since seeing that story, I have hoped and wished to be able to pull something like that off.

I walk on the road, hoping someone aggravates me so that I can stab them with a pen or, if I’m lucky, stab them with a knife of a nearby vendor.

Unluckily for me and luckily for the men around me while I commute, they have all decided to be decent human beings.

No one provokes me. Ughh.

I guess the resting bitch face does enough of announcing my inner thoughts.

But I have not wished to be provoked by a man, as much as I wished for it yesterday. I was literally praying for someone to fuck up.

Why? you might ask.

Well, yesterday I was armed. With a cane.

I was ready to whip a motherfucker.

I felt the power coursing through my veins as I walked road my area, running errands.

Why was I holding a cane?

Well, that is impertinent. None of your business (Queen Charlotte reference, when she was trying to get over the wall).

Y’all:…

Me:…

Y’all:…

Me: Okay fine. Y’all know I crotchet, right?

Well, I’m making a huge project for M’s birthday coming up(I will show y’all later. M reads this) and after searching far and wide for a thin piece of wood that I needed, and never found, my dumbass realized I was asking traders the wrong questions and that a cane, fit the description of what I needed to the T.

Like can you imagine my dumbass walking up to people and saying, “Please do you know where they sell wood?”

They all looked at me like I was crazy.

Anyway, I bought the cane after a long search because apparently, this gentle parenting thing is not just on the internet. Parents genuinely don’t beat their kids anymore.

Because what do you mean I had to walk more than five minutes in a tightly knit market to find someone that sells cane.

Back in my day, someone was selling cane at every corner. My siblings and I broke the cane at home all the time and my dad would pop up with another with a two-minute trip outside the house.

Even then, after finding the cane, the seller looked at me like I was one wicked aunty, asking who the poor child I wanted to flog was and what he did.

Every single place I went to while watching errands, saw the cane and asked who I wanted to hit.

I was telling everyone what I told the seller. “IT IS FOR A PERSONAL PROJECT”

Anyway, if not for the questions, I would totally enjoy walking with a cane on the road, ready to whip any man that moves mad.

Like genuinely, if you’re not an introvert (y’know if you don’t mind the questions), try it. You will like the power it gives you.

I certainly did.

But enough about me, how’s your day going? (I watched S3E8 of TSITP last night and I’m still celebrating the breakup)