why should i smile?

notes entry #02

writing about anything happy now feels to me like a crime

people are losing their lives
losing their families
losing their autonomy

who am i to talk about a movie i watched yesterday that i loved

the world is falling apart
different countries going through one crisis or the other
palestine, phillipines, nepal. southafrica, sudan, congo

nigeria itself is falling apart
everyday there’s a new story

we’ve not gotten justice for ochanya
then twenty-five girls got abducted from kebbi
then multiple massacres in the north and middle belt
the church livestream that no matter how hard i tried to avoid but still ended up watching

a two year old got molested
i saw that one last night
her mother took her to a developmental school and on the second day she came back with blood around her vagina

what did the school do
offer her money to be silent and further stigmatize the poor child that if it public knowledge that she was molested she won’t get a husband

why are you thinking of a husband for a flipping two year old
why are you sixtytwo fighting for your right to marry a fifteen year old

this morning, i opened social media to more bad news
first video, over hundred students taken from a school in niger state
while writing this, students kidnapped from a school in nasarawa state
on posting this, the niger girls were transported in aircrafts

the longer you look, more is happening
at a rapidly geometric progression
like they want us to be numb to it
its too much to process

so who am i to be happy
who am i to exist normally when all these is happening to fellow humans

and the government is doing nothing
the president and his cabinet are silent

nysc is operating as usual
without a care for the lives of the students they posted to these states plagued with insecurity
saw a poster for a girl kidnapped on her way to jalingo

twitter is operating as usual
turning this into a religious war
the insensitive ones posting about detty december

talking about lavish enjoyment at a time when the country is supposed to be in mourning
like fucking read the room for fuck’s sake

yes i know you’ll still go out
i don’t blame you for living
for coping how you choose to

you have the privilege to enjoy that others don’t
so do that in silence
do it but still have respect for the lost
for the struggling, for the suffering, for the gone

have fucking empathy
now is not the time

yes i’m talking to you kiddwaya and ddg
you two brainless fucks

going to work and laughing and talking to my loved ones feel like such a privilege
its so weird

i remember seeing a tweet that lagosians lived life as usual while the biafran war happened
i assumed the country was on standstill while a genocide was happening
but apparently not

and its the same now
people are dying but they’re concert advertisements
one scroll. fifty people abducted
the next scroll, davido ticket prices
its so fucking trippy

lagos operating as usual while people are living in terror is…

i don’t want to say pray because we need action now
and the people supposed to be acting are doing nothing
we are importing help
so i’ll say
i hope for nigeria
it might be rapidly dwindling but still i hope