Freewill or Stalking

...and other unrelated topics

Mar 17, 2025

Hello Substack family and all those who tune in to listen to me yap.

Welcome back to another Enid Blyton-esque post where I put all the newsletter topics I’ve had, that I don’t have enough material for a full newsletter, into one mega newsletter.

For Edition One, see The Sky Chews Gum

Our table of contents for today:

Freewill or Stalking (if I had a car edition)
Skilled Queen (or King)
Prayer Etiquette
Thinkpieces and Media Literacy
Stupidity Epidemic
Bus Conductors can be cute

Freewill or Stalking

So, while on my way back from work one day, I saw two entourages.

The first driving to the airport, blasting their sirens.

The second coming from the airport, speeding so fast that I was afraid they’ll hit the lambo (danfo) that my humble self was using as a means of transport.

So reeling of the shock and annoyance of the blaring sirens, I had a thought. What if I followed them?

Then I made a list of things I would do if I had a car and unlimited fuel.

Explore random roads (might get me killed): You know when you’re driving and you see a road and wonder where it goes. I choose to wonder no more and instead wander.
Follow those police entourage cars (might be considered stalking, might get me shot): No because who are you? why are you so important? where are you going so I can randomly bump into you and befriend you? That connection and nepotism ain’t gonna build itself.
Follow any person (man) that triggers my road rage (now this is defs stalking): You can’t make me angry and have the last say. Maybe if you see a girl with a maniacal grin following you everywhere, you will think twice about triggering someone’s road rage. I don’t mind looking like a crazy person if I achieve my aim of scaring you.
Do fast and furious on an empty road in the middle of the night

As you can tell, me maximizing freewill and impulsive thoughts is just me having zero value over my life.

Though technically, none of these is a crime.

Which would you do?

Skilled Queen (or King)

While on a videocall with my friend, he mentioned hating living alone because he couldn’t cook to save his life.

“But cooking is easy, just put a pot on fire, add ingredients and seasonings”, I responded and then my wonderful friend told me he had burnt eggs before.

How does that even happen?

How do you burn boiled eggs?

I asked, he responded. I still don’t understand the answer.

Anyways, the same evening, I mentioned the guy to my sister when she casually said she didn’t know how to cook. My family friend, overhearing our conversation, gisted us stories she had both heard and witnessed of multiple women who couldn’t cook stew or soups.

Jollof rice? No color

White rice? Too salty

It was an eye opener for my sister, who assumed not knowing how to cook meant that she couldn’t make the food without a recipe.

Then again, all the women in our family are wizards in the kitchen. My mother’s food rivals and beats those of restaurants, in taste and aroma. And this is who we both compare ourselves to in terms of our kitchen prowess.

Which brings me to my point.

What you think is mundane is a skill.

What you think is basic knowledge is a skill.

That you write on Substack is a skill (consistency, responsibility, writing, conciseness)

That you read on Substack is a skill (great attention span, attentive, reading)

Like bro, the day I was using Canva to design my phone wallpaper, I had three designs on my screen, stuck between the first two, with the third being the base design I improved upon. Someone came into the room, saw me deliberating and chose the third one. The one with the design flaw.

That was when I realized, some people don’t have the skills that you’ve taken for granted.

Don’t sell yourself short bestie.

Prayer Etiquette

I don’t know why but everytime I hear a prayer or testimony that goes, “Some people died but we are still alive”, I get irrationally annoyed.

I get Thanking GOD but, is using the dead to highlight your situation necessary?

What of those that actually died? How should their loved ones feel?

Put some respect on their name.

Alternative: Thank God for safe journey and for helping me stay safe and sound.

See, no mention of the dead.

Maybe it’s just me sha.

But I’ve had this thought for years and I’m fed up and finally vocalizing it.

Besides the testimony sounds selfish.

Kind of like, yeah bad things happened… but not to me soo.

Thinkpieces and Media Literacy

(this one was started 10th January but I ran out of brain juice and left it since. It’s here now so it can finally see the light of day)

a thinkpiece is a piece of writing or speech that gives the author's thoughts and opinions about a particular subject.

~Cambridge dictionary

We live in a community that is becoming increasingly dependent on what other people think and feel. You want to see what the comments are saying before you form your own opinion.

Does the comment section find this video funny?

They don’t?

Well, I don’t either.

But you laughed.

Why hide your mirth because people decided it wasn’t funny to them?

And in this era of follow the masses, thinkpieces are emerging. And not good ones either.

a thinkpiece is a piece of writing meant to be thought-provoking and speculative that consists chiefly of background material and personal opinion and analysis

~Merriam-Webster dictionary

People are making thinkpieces about everything. This sweater. That bag. That reddit post.

These write-ups are bland and have little to no real research, background or basis behind them. It just feels like they woke up one day, realizes they had an independent thought and like an overeager child, decided to show the world.

But it wasn’t an independent thought, nor was it one that needed to be announced because fifteen different people have posted the same thing in different font and wording.

And this shit ties to media literacy

Media literacy is the use of critical thinking to parse or create mass media

~Britannica

Keyword: Critical Thinking

People consume media with their brain turned off, then they come online with either the most basic takes like it was a discovery and not explicitly shown in one minor scene or the most absurd controversial take you’ve ever seen in your life, that has you wondering if you both consumed the same piece of media.

Also to all wannabe English teachers out there, not everything has to be deeper than they appear, stop giving things meaning they didn’t need.

Honestly can everyone just stop trying to sound smart cause if you’re actually not that smart, it shows, and its both embarrassing and annoying to view. Thank you.

Stupidity Epidemic

Oh you thought I was done?

Let’s make a bet, open twitter, go to ‘for you’, if your first few scrolls doesn’t have an extremely uneducated thought, I’ll send you 100k. Even if it’s something someone quoted. As long as you can see the initial post.

None of you are getting that money.

As I type this, two things are trending on Nigerian twitter.

The Tea and Inconsiderateness (tea trending without bread’s clout)
Suicide and Inconsiderateness

For those not on twitter, you don’t know what God has done for you. I can’t stay on that app for more than fifteen minutes because I get triggered (I’m allergic to stupidity unfortunately, long exposure and I get violent). And I have promised myself, both younger and current, to never become a twitter warrior because if I ever receive an uneducated quote, I start debating how to take my mugshot picture.

Anyway, for my babes not active on twitter, the first topic basically started when one babe said that her dad waking her up from sleep to make tea is inconsiderate.

For me, I agree because what’s there in milo, milk, sugar and water that you had to wake me up for? Did anything happen to your hands? legs?

Anyway, a fellow woman (I sighed, you sighed, we all sighed), responded that twitter is making people lose respect for their parents, that she would willingly do it because her brothers were being woken up to go on errands at 3am and that the babe just wants to bask in uselessness.

You know you’re wrong when there’s more men supporting you than women.

Besides what she just showed is that she just had inconsiderate parents. Because I don’t recall ever being woken up just to make tea for my parents or my brother woken up just to go buy bread only for one parent and not for the family.

Honestly the whole discourse showed me that

we aren’t going to be that change we want to see
we aren’t breaking chains or generational trauma in this our generation
it doesn’t end with us

As if this madness wasn’t enough, one babe posted that finding her roommate dead by hanging in their room messed her up mentally and that’s why she can never consider committing suicide.

Guess the local response.

“Why weren’t you there for her before she considered suicide, you’re a bad roommate.”

*cue the enraged screaming into a pillow* cause what the actual fuck.

The entire comment section telling her that the person that died was depressed and she’s an insensitive and bad person for thinking like that. Ignoring the fact that homegirl has trauma. Invalidating and silencing her voice and experience.

Like bro two things can be correct at the same time. This is not a sports game, you’re not picking sides.

The world, experiences and realities are not black and white, and people are yet to understand that on that app.

Edit: as of right now, two more things have popped up, the illiterate who said we have no need for 24/7 light (don’t even get me started on him) and this whole NYSC issue and as a current NYSC servant, anyone supporting the government for shutting up that girl is dumb because she didn’t lie.

Also this just goes to show that the government sees all the complaints and they just ignore it.

Bus Conductors Can Be Cute

My first experience entering danfo on my own was on a trip to Yaba to see my friend. I had no uber money and since it was a personal outing, I couldn’t ask my parents to take me.

I recalled hearing Yaba shouted at a bus stop near my house so I figured if I entered and stopped where the bus stopped, I could find my way to my friend’s place.

Buses don’t stop. They just change location.

Figured that out after the bus started reaching places I hadn’t seen before.

Dazed and confused, I asked the conductor how to get to my destination. This man more than answered me, he basically drew me an oral map, found someone going that direction and told me to follow the guy before him and his bus continued their journey.

Another day, this conductor was calling out for passengers on a busy road, noticed these two small schoolkids (haew, I felt so old typing this), trying to cross the road beside him.

This man held their hand, crossed all the way to the other side with them, made sure they were fine, then crossed the road to continue calling for customers.

He didn’t think anyone was watching and did it from the good of his heart but I would just like to say, I saw your act of kindness and May God Bless You.

On Tuesday, I was trying to cross Oshodi road, this conductor saw my ajebutter ass, that hates having to run across the road and prefers for the road to clear before it catwalks to the other side, and he started advising me on how to cross the road cause he thought I was scared. He actually watched the road for me and at the perfect time to run across, he told me and resumed his call for passengers.

Honestly in this stressful Lagos where everyone is angry (I have argued with so many conductors who move mad), I would like to appreciate the good ones, the cute ones, the adorable ones who still shine a light of joy.

Because which bus conductor will watch the road for you to cross instead of looking for more passengers.

We have come to the end of another compilation post.

I hope you enjoyed it and agreed with multiple things I said.

If you disagreed, comments dey for you. Lets have a constructive and mature discussion.

And if you ever see me randomly following a police entourage, mind your business and pray for me.

Wait, before you go, is there a way someone can hold a concert without being a musical artist? Just take mic, sing to a crowd for about four hours and then go back to regular life? I would like to try it.

CURRENT OBSESSION (Especially Come Over and So Cynical)